July 15 our 1st "anniversary" date

  “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.”2 Corinthians 4:16-18

“I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.”Romans 8:18 

Verses like the ones mentioned above give me strength and the will to continue, to keep fighting the inner emotional battle I have to understand that one day I will not suffer anymore, one day I will be reunited with my kids and won't be sad, one day we will be together.

It's getting closer to the date when it all happened, July 15th is the day of the tragedy and I'm spending since June 30th my time again at the Ronald mc Donalds House in SLC.
It's been very hard emotionally and bitter sweet to spend the 4th of July and up till July 15th in SLC again just being reminded of the aftermath of the tragedy.
To be honest I have no clue how I would have dealt with spending the 4th in Lander this year, since I have very strong memories spending the time with the whole family and the joy we had that day.
It's been hard as I'm mentally counting off the days for the "burniversary" as burn survivors call it.
Luckily we planned a -2 week trip to Connecticut prior to our visit to SLC, to charge mentally and emotionally by visiting our long time friends and family in Nebraska, Chicago, Pennsylvania, Connecticut and even Massachusetts.



Both Noelle and I took the challenge to drive our Toyota Camry for 4300+ Miles with 21 month old twins, a 6 year old and a Pomeranian and build new amazing memories.
The kids had a blast outside of the long, looooooong car ride and were exposed to our family and friends that poured out love and prayer which gave us strength, they were exposed to the ocean, Dunkin Donuts, Baskin & Robbins, New Haven Pizza, Cannoli's, Sail boats and a lot more.
We felt refreshed, ready to fight the next chapter of our lives, up to SLC.
Arrived in Laramie after a 19hr drive Noelle and I separated ways, she and Beanie running the fort & Global Arts @ home in Lander, Wyoming and Remmy, Able & I heading to the Ronald mc Donald House and Hospital in SLC.

Back to SLC to work on Remmy's burns.
As most of you know Remmy suffered from 3rd and 4th degree burns on over 30 +% of his scalp and face. In burns of this degree as well as on grafted area's, the hair follicle will no longer be able to produce hair. Which will leave this precious boy with disfiguring scars. Remmy's medical team has approved him for Tissue Expansion Reconstruction of the Scalp.

A clear explanation about the specific procedure: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2884702/
These series of surgeries will leave Remmy with a full head of hair and most important, minimize immensely the scars he bears.
At this point it is unclear if he will need double or triple expansions. Each expansion includes multiple surgeries.
Through the tissue expanders (saline bags which are placed under the skin) the skin with hair still attached will be stretched to cover the effected area. The residue burn scar skin will then be removed.
the surgeries will take place in several stages, each stage consisting of 2 week intervals.
There are several dangers affiliated with this surgery. These dangers include a possibility that the bags can leak or explode, infections can occur at the surgery site or worst case, the bags can cause too much pressure on the brain.

But on the brighter side of things, I am happy to take my 2 boys (Able & Remmy) to SLC so we can do fun things while Remmy has his Doctors visits and surgery scheduled in these 2 weeks. We went to the Minion Movie Red Carpet Premiere (sponsored by Universal Studio's, Hershey & Mc Donald's) we were able to watch the movie before it's even out in the Theatre's, also we were again blessed with a trip to see the Utah Jazz playing a game against the Spurs and Celtics vs 76'ers, even today a meet and greet with a famous Football player Zane Beadles (former Broncos now Jaguars offensive lineman).
The Ronald mc Donald House continues spoiling their residents again with great activities, like my dad says 'Their burgers and food are disgusting and a joke but their cause with these houses makes me look at a different perspective at their donation boxes in their fast-food joints'. Personally for me it's therapeutic to spend as much time with Able & Remmy as possible to build new wonderful memories. Next to the amazing activities and meals made by the volunteers, the RMH gives parents a little break since they have all kinds of things to do for the kids in house. Also you are not alone as a parents since all the other parents go through similar things including hospitalized and loss of their children.
I talk often with Able about Zeph & Noah which helps me and hopefully him too to cope with our loss, it's noticeable that he misses his best friends he ever had. 
We talk about the fun times, the naughty times, the joy, the tears, the fights and memorable times.
I just want it to be that Zeph & Noah will never be forgotten and Rem & Beanie know that they had some amazing brother's, some times I wonder what they remember or if they were too young.
But then again often Beanie and Remmy point at pictures or point at someone who looks like one of their brothers and mentions their names.

It continues to be a battle to wake up and put that smile on your face looking forward for the day to come. But we are destined to continue to thrive and be there for our own kids, being amazing and loving parents.
I choose not to fill the gap, the sore spot, the empty hole with an addiction or negative source (like depression) but by the grace of God to fill it with His love for us and something I can reflect to my kids and the rest of the world.
I want to live my life fully, expanding horizons, love, endure, fight, finding meaningful reasons to use ALL of my life lessons into my life's purpose.
I want to reflect life, love, peace, joy, passion and more.
As Viktor Frankl says:

For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and from hour to hour. What matters, therefore, is not the meaning of life in general but rather the specific meaning of a person's life at a given moment.

 

Remmy's last appointment in these two weeks is July 14th and I plan to be back in Lander the 15th so I can be there physically, not that I really want to, but feel that I need to.
I know it's going to be a very hard day, but I believe if we are all together we can make it through by the Grace of God.

Although we are able to run our own business and were able to travel to the  East Coast (by car and staying with friends and family since that saved us quite some money instead hotels and air fairs).
We still have to deal with the many continues medical expenses of the aftermath of the tragedy which includes specialist visits, medication to deal with our trauma and more.
There is a Gofundme account set aside for us to get back on our feet again and was set up the night of the tragedy.  http://www.gofundme.com/loveforthevandijks
Also specially for Remmy's recovery on his burns dear friends of our set up a different Gofundme account that outside of the medical expenses, it will cover the cost of travel (up and down to SLC), lodging and meals which adds up pretty quickly. http://www.gofundme.com/remmyroad

If you have it on your heart we'd appreciate you donating to these accounts or contact Central Bank & Trust in Lander (307) 332-4730 so there won't be taken out a 5% fee as in Gofundme

Noelle summed up in a very beautiful way how thankful we as a family are to have you all in our lives....Over the last 3 months I have been experiencing true love in the deepest parts of my heart.....from our Creator but echoed to me through all of you. I am now ever aware that we are all connected, each one of us. And that when God allows us to live though a catastrophe and simultaneously allows others to die.... It truly becomes a daily question, why am I still here? What more am I to do according to His will? For the longest time it hurt that I couldn't answ...er people's questions about 'how we are doing' because the depth of that question is impossible at times. ...in fact all the time. But today is good. And I have amazing choices to make this string of moments....I just want to say this also....I notice the beautiful and kind and selfless things YOU my beautiful friends and family are doing for our family and others. And if you ever doubt that others don't see .....Remember that God is always listening always watching and always smiling upon your good works, your beautiful heart, your loving prayers. You are beautiful all of you, and one day we will all see the beauty of the love we showed ourselves and others in this life. Cont the good fight friends as your love has preserved ME and countless others. We are often called strong but remember it was YOU who picked us up. YOU who fed us YOU who clothed us YOU who ushered Gods peace by prayer, a hug, a cup of coffee. I have more faith in humanity being made in the image of God than I ever have had in my life. I love you and I thank you for loving me and ours. And I encourage you to see the beautiful things you and others are doing every day for one day you will put on these blessings like robes and precious jewels as we go home to our maker ......the one we make smile♥

Counting the blessings.....

For quite a while I've been angry, angry that I lost my sons, angry that this had to happen to my children, angry that this tragedy had to happen to my family, angry at myself that I could have been the cause of the tragedy, angry that I couldn't save all my children, angry that some people didn't care, some people were ruthless to say that they didn't care, it was pain that had to develop and is still developing.
Pain that is covering the surface of my emotional well being, people even said that I looked different then before the tragedy, acted different, but what would you expect?
Would you expect the jolly old me, just acting that this tragedy didn't hurt my inner core, my heart, my emotion, my spirit.

In the midst was a dear friend, who has been a mother to me for many years, she traveled all the way from the East Coast and stayed, helped out when help was definitely needed since both me and Noelle were acting like zombies from "the Walking Dead" TV show, she would say.... Feike, do you see there is so much favor?
I could see but I could not feel, they could say, but I could not hear....the tragedy had such an impact that I was blinded to see, the lack of sleep, the overwhelming amount of emotion, the pain, the anger, the lonesomeness, the depression, the medications, it all took the man out of me.
Slowly I am able to forgive myself, forgive the people that don't care, slowly I'm working on the ability to see, to hear and to feel again.
I know that there have been tons and tons of favor or as many other people say blessings, but actually, seeing, hearing, feeling and understanding was another step in my time of grief.

We are so extremely thankful for our community, friends, family, former students of mine, class mates, church family here in Lander Wy, on the East Coast, in the Netherlands and people we don't even know but heard our story and wanted to get involved,  and have helped us out to start all over again.
The monetary help, the prayers, the logistic help, the practical help, the medical help, the first responders on the scene, the Burn Unit in SLC, the Shoshone tribe, my co-workers and our ex co-workers and I can go on.
It's been incredible how people intensively have been there to help our family out with all these things and I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart.
We had to start all over again and you all have been such an incredible help.
We were able to purchase a house which we can call our home and we will start new memories with the family here.
But we also were able to start our own business, May 1st we will be the brand spanking new owners of Global Arts in Lander http://www.globalartslander.com/, https://www.facebook.com/globalartslander
It is such an interesting story to tell; Noelle has always wanted to do more with her art degrees and I love promoting, marketing and sales, both our parents have owned art/antique stores, so we kind of grew up with knowledge and understanding.
I lost my job last year and this is giving us a fresh outlook on things since we have lived off  my unemployment and Noelle and I can rotate schedules running the business and still spend a lot of time with our kids.
We are thankful that there is a possibility for us to look into our future with a smile on our face now.

People from all different corners are continuous helping us 8 months after the tragedy, with gift cards, dropping food off at our doorsteps, neighbors dropping cookies, books and clothes off etc.
Even last week, Remmy and I had to go through our regular amount of visits with medical specialists in SLC and upon arrival at the wonderful Ronald Mc Donald House there were Utah Jazz tickets with Parking, Dinner, half time food/drinks and meet & greet with Memo Okur all donated by the humble friendly giant Jazz basket player Derrick Favors (he's a RMcD Ambassador).
It was a great way to end our visit (which drains a lot of energy out of both of us) to SLC, Remmy was 1st scared of the loud noises but within minutes he was yelling and doing the wave himself.
Blessed beyond words since the RMcD House and Favs set this one up....they made all these energy sucking visits to the specialists this last week worthwhile.

Remmy is doing great, his face scarring will be reduced by a special mask designed for him, his arm and leg scars also will fade by wearing special compression garments.

Remmy is still taking medications for nerve pains and itchy-ness but has been off narcotics for a little while and he's been doing very well considering the burn injuries he's had.
He's is such a strong boy but at the same time full of life and joy, he loves to sing and be funny.
Remmy is going back into surgery in July and then in August, he has to get re-intubated and probably will receive narcotics.
We are not really looking forward to that process but think it will be better for him to get this all done now that later in his life.

Beanie is a great character, she's such a little princess, she's got little diva moments, but also loves to cuddle and wrestle. She is with most things a step ahead of Remmy, but what would you expect she is the 3 minute older twin sister and it's definitely visible.

Able is doing great at kindergarten, he gets along with his classmates, he's got a lot of  A's a couple B's......Loves Star Wars and Math is his favorite thing and he's really good at it, he's somewhat a geek which surprises Noelle and me not knowing where that comes from.
Able wants to become an Astronaut....

Noelle and I are looking forward to make new steps, since we have been grieving about our loss we've been growing closer to each other in many ways but also had tough moments.
We will be attending couples therapy in a different state soon since we have had to cancel it due to unexpected illnesses and circumstances (Noelle had Pneumonia while I was in SLC, but she is getting better by the day.) The Burn Unit in SLC also has special designed camps for different age groups to help individuals dealing with their loss and with their wounds.
Noelle and I have been invited to partake with professional staff and other burn victims in a camp rafting the Colorado River in September.
These camps are funded by an annual auction https://myab.co/events/u3/
I'll also partake in a spiritual journey climbing the Rockies and the Mount of the Holy Cross in Colorado this summer with climbers from Lander.

One huge thing that has happened is also that I applied for being a part of the Lander Volunteer Fire Squad, I will be as an intern training amongst local heroes fighting my own demons, but at the same time I'm hoping I'll be helping them in many ways.
Able 1st was afraid and angry when he heard about my plans becoming a fire fighter but after I explained to him why I wanted to do this he understood.
He even said a couple of weeks ago he wanted to become just like me......and also become a fire fighter.

There is so much ahead of us and we are thriving as a family and want to thank you for all of your help and prayers, we love ya'll...