Is it rational for me to be angry?!

I've often been in a phase that's called anger (Loosing two kids and most of your belongings, can definitely cause that emotion, correct?), but who am I angry at?
I'm called snappy, upset, loud, angry, mad, threatening, but my friends know that I am not an angry person and definitely not a violent person.
Anger in the Bible is seen as a huge sin (but how can I not be angry?)
Matthew 5:22 explains that anger violates God's commandment to Love, Anger in many cases refers to seething, brooding bitterness against someone, it is a dangerous but quite natural emotion that threatens to leap out and leads into violence, emotional hurt, increased mental stress, and spiritual damage.
Anger keeps us from developing a spirit pleasing to God.
Have you ever been proud that you didn't strike out and say what was really on your mind?
Self control is good, but Christ wants us to practice thought-control as well.
Jesus said that we will be held accountable even for our attitudes.
Even after our family's tragedy, how can we follow that commandment, it isn't easy and it's a daily, hourly, minute choice I have to make.......
Victor Frankl a Jewish Psychiatrist and Survivor of WW2's concentration camps included Auschwitz (yesterday it was 70 years ago that it was liberated) Once said; It is a question of the attitude one takes towards life's challenges and opportunities, both large and small, a positive attitude enables a person to endure suffering and disappointment as well as enhance enjoyment and satisfaction.
A negative attitude intensifies pain and deepens disappointments; it undermines and diminishes pleasure, happiness and satisfaction, it may even lead to depression or physical illness. Frankl was one of the "blessed" ones that survived the camps and stayed in Austria his main population he helped as a psychiatrist after WW2 were actually Nazi Soldiers and Officers, he didn't treat them as any other patient he actually cared for..
A friend I met after the tragedy once said to me, "don't you think certain individuals in the Bible itself weren't angry towards God? Job, or even Jesus, weren't they angry, due to pain and injustice, how was their attitude towards all the things they had to go through.

Don't you think that from all the different language translations including Aramaic, Greek, Roman, Latin etc. some words in anger towards God spoken/written by people like Moses, Elijah, Job were excessive but even profound and lost in translation?

Of course I have my moments of anger, my two sons were stolen several feet away from me, and yes I've used terms and slang due to anger which I will not repeat and they've gone further then "All Mighty Smiter, Smite me!"
Still on a daily basis I have to deal with anger, mostly in my own mind and heart, I try my best not to reflect it to others.
But my faith in God has not become in danger, many men I've spoken with don't believe in a God that would not cause hurt and pain in innocent children and babies, I believe the God I serve and believe in, takes care of the children and babies in a remarkable way.
A dear friend of mine, who I had the privilege traveling through Europe forming the rhythm section of a Christian Rock band recorded how he envisioned the way he thinks it happened.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7A4tiQfF-0
My believe is also that it wasn't God who did this.....It was actually the opposite, it was that nasty evil one called Satan, he likes to hurt people and stir things up.
Many worse things still happen on this earth, think about the hunger epidemic in certain countries in Africa, think about ISIS, think about North Korea, the floods, the airplain crashes etc.
I believe Satan is testing me personally, and how I am responding and if my faith in God will dwindle.
I can say that I cussed, I cried, begged and still don't understand....but am also understanding that somewhere in the Psalms is written that God preserves all our tears, perhaps none of our suffering is in vain. I believe God is a loving God, this episode in our lives has a deeper meaning, what it is I maybe will never know until I meet Zephy and Noah in Heaven myself.
It was a blessing to see them develop and God picked us as their parents although it was a very short time. Continuously things happen on a daily basis that make me angry, people just after the accident have been posting dumb things about what happens when you leave a grill unattended, and that we were irresponsible parents, EXCUSE me ignorant individual, please say that straight in my face if you have some guts....the grill wasn't even on.

I know this is a fact since I'm the only one that cooks on that grill, so next time if you want to sound a "little" smarter, more sensitive, compassionate and less ignorant on the worldwide web, think before you post!

Or go visit me and my and my 10 month old son struggling for his life with 3rd and 4th degree wounds in the Burn Unit in SLC and say these things in my face. The same week I returned to Lander, exploring the playground with Able an 8-9 year old girl walks up to me and says;" I'm so sorry what happened with your children and your house, but you should know, that you should never leave your grill unattended"!
I did my best not to cry, but did tell the little girl patiently and quietly that she could tell her parents that the grill wasn't even turned on and if they had any questions they were welcome to talk to me in person. 

Of course, no parent showed up......inside I was hurt, I carried a lot of pain and was actually quite angry that a parent gossiped such lies to their young children.
Although I'm a big guy, I'm as sweet and squishy as a Giant Gummy Bear.
My fuse has been a little shorter since the accident, some people understand why, and other's just don't care, some even ignited the fuse several times.
Our families hurt has been so deep and it's been extremely painful, we feel even though so many people reached out, we have felt occasionally isolated, we've longed hearing Zephy and Noah's voices, see their faces or even cuddle and wrestle with them.
We also know that without our faith and redemption that we would not be anywhere where we are at, right now.
I'm grateful for the ones that do understand and have been sensitive, I'm grateful for the individuals that have been helping us out physically, mentally and spiritually, that have stretched their arms out to bless us in abundance.

Researchers at Yale University School of Medicine have been impressed by the number of prisoners of the Vietnam war, who explicitly claimed that although their captivity was extraordinarily stressful, filled with torture, disease, malnutrition and solitary confinement, they nevertheless........"benefited from the captivity experience, seeing as a growth experience mentally, emotionally and often spiritually." Their faith grew after such painful experiences in their life's.
I can for certain say that my personal diagnosis of PTSD has made me a different man, certain days I'm snappier then other days, some days are tougher then other days.
One comment or event can change my perspective and can trigger my emotions easily.
Sometimes I have to sit and cry, sometimes I have to "take some time to cool off".
Although I will never become someone like the Hulk, that after an angry outburst rips his clothes off, grows in size and muscles and changes of color of skin. (although sometimes I had that super power)

I have a differen't way of expressing anger, and luckily it's more introvert and hidden in my soul.
So the main question is, is it okay to be angry......I would say yes it is, but your attitude dealing with the anger is the most important aspect of your anger.
Have I been angry with God, yes I have.....but does a Father love His son less when His son is angry at Him?
I do have to make a Paradigm Shift here on a daily basis and it's a tough one.

From being angry, I have to be thankful, thankful what individuals have done for my family, thankful for what's going to happen next, not knowing what.

Thankful for the occasional rest, peace and comfort I feel.
Thankful for what I still have left, on this earth.
Not Angry, but Thankful!
When we accept the mercy and love of God into our lives, the pain of separation will lean into healing, slowly, BUT SURELY.

Fear is taking control over many lives!

Fear is an illusion you personally choose to have it take control over your mind body and personality. Fear can only become realism if you partake in it, it is easy to take fully control over you, but you can fight and conquer it. Did I have or do I have fear, of course I do, fear has been for me a daily battle. My main fear now is if something bad again is going to happen with my family.

My fear for fire has been gone (it did take a while to fight it!), I even spoke with the chief firefighter about options becoming a volunteer firefighter.

When my son Able told me that I'm a super hero because

I saved his twin brother and his twin sister's lives I felt shortly did I have no fear at all, until suddenly guilt and pain came over me.
Questioning why I didn't go back into the house to find Zephy and Noah, God knows I tried, Noelle tried and then knowing that they were in between six and eight feet away from us. The house was already completely in flames the smoke and the heat was so overwhelming and those 2 to 4 minutes we had, almost went by in slow motion but also it seemed too unreal, I thought it was a bad dream at the time until I woke up in Salt Lake City with all those nice and cute Nurses (ask Remmy) and having inserted a catheter.
That made me understand that my worst fear became reality, my family, my own children they got hurt. I didn't care so much about my 3rd degree burns, but my 10 month old baby who was struggling  for his own life a couple of rooms away from me.
My fear now is that my attitude towards life will change.
Will I ever be able to fulfill my duty on this planet assigned by the Creator.
My attitude needs to continue with helping people in need.
There is fear everywhere around you, fear of non-understanding, fear of non-appreciation, fear of deception, fear of self consciousness, fear of life, fear of death, fear of wars, fear of aliens taking control over this world, or even the zombie apocalypse, fear of financial distress,I can go on........fear is all around you and it's sneaking inside of people's brains and into their souls.
One of my heroes said once" May your choices reflect your hopes and not your fears." (Nelson Mandela) There is nowadays so much fear reigning over individuals and even whole nations,
the ratio of suicide due to fear and anxiety is growing, people of different religions and different colors of skins are slaughtering each other, Fear about what other's think because of your sexual preference......(is history repeating itself?) and that is all about fear.
My fact that I try to share is that fear is not Godly fear is evil, don't choose to have it take control over you, don't partake in it.

Scriptures like 1 Peter 5:6-7 will share 'Humble yourselves (see the attitude thing I mentioned before?) therefore, under God's mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time.
Cast all your anxiety and fear on him because he cares for you.

I also challenge you to read Psalm 55 first 22 and 23.

Be Fearless, be strong and have the right attitude the Creator has assigned to you.
#Loveforthevandijks

2015 better be a better journey then 2014

2015 better be a better journey then 2014 which has been a hard year for the van Dijk family were a house fire burned down all the belongings including two beloved sons Zephy four years old and Noah two years old.

Today we are actually 2 days shy of the 6th month "anniversary" since the fire changed our lives forever.

This morning Noelle actually had a realistic dream, she woke up in tears even after her 1st cup of coffee her 2nd cup of coffee she was still crying trying to explain what she dreamt.... Since the fire we've been praying for positive dreams relating Zephy and Noah and finally today was the day. The day that Remmy and I would drive 6+ hours to Salt Lake City on the slick and foggy roads on our way to the best burn unit this nation has.

They will be looking at any progress Remmy has had after his 3rd and 4th degree wounds.

Since I'm a musician I like to listen to music on these long rides and the only music I could find was Christmas music Noelle has left in the car. 

The best album was the Apalachian Christmas music with mandolin, banjo, dip spit buckets and moonshine bottles.

I couldn't stop crying thinking about Noelle's dream but also how the boys, if they were still around would sing along with the songs in the same style...

To be honest I haven't had the best Holiday spirit although amazing friends and family from all over have tried to accommodate us the best they could (which we appreciate with all the outpouring of their love) with a donated tree at Nana's house 

(Noelle's mom) since we couldn't cope emotionally having one in our temporarily house. Presents piled high around this tree. Thanksgiving @ Uncle Grobby's (Noelle's brother) girlfriends house in Thermopolis and New Years was nothing special, we just went to bed at 9pm praying that 2015 would better be a better year for us.

Today I read Isaiah 30:15 and wrote these notes. When we wait in quietness and confidence,we have everything to say to G'd especially, Thank You.

Salvation comes from God alone, we can fully trust him and be peacefully confident that he will give us strength. To face our difficulties we should lay down our well laid plans aside and allow him to act.