The show must go on!

While sitting in a sofa, sipping on a hot toddy (seems the best remedy, since everyone in the family has had a stomach bug this week, except for me) listening to the lullabies from the babies room, I finally have the time to write this blog.
Noelle is in SLC picking up a College room mate and spending some time in SLC before or after heading to Wyoming when the next snow storm has hit Lander's soil.
I've felt empty the last couple days, drained of quite a lot of energy.....maybe it's because there is a change of PTSD and sleeping medication and I haven't slept much, but I also haven't had much time not thinking about Zephy and Noah....It hurts so much just trying to imagine their faces, their smiles and laughter. We've been busy moving into our new house, which we have been able to purchase, thankfully due to the many blessings of the many readers of this blog.
I was also finally ready (had kept it quiet for a while) to share with the "Facebook" world that I've been terminated from my job which I've wanted for about 10 yrs, I lost that job since October 5th.
I am not ready to share how and why I got terminated but I can tell you it was ugly and painful.
Also the professionals that have been seeing us haven't seen a penny from our insurance (which is through my former employer) the professionals could easily decline our visits to them, if the insurance keeps on postponing payments to the psychiatrists, is this going to help any of our mention/psychological and emotional healing has been the rhetorical question on my mind.
I've been applying for jobs and have been declined, even one email mentioned without any reason that I was ineligible. All of this makes it harder, since I strongly belief that I was meant to be the provider for my family. I've slid and have fallen but never given up, we will get out of this mess, or has it been a blessing in disguise, we've had it rough emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically since the night of July 15th but have still a long road ahead of us.
Sometimes it feels like all struggle falls at once; or wait, is there still more to come, even my former co-workers from my last job that I once saw as friends and at one time were a big help through this tragedy and before the tragedy seem afraid that they are loosing their jobs if they continue being friends with me, so somehow they all quit contacting me since October 5th.....
I'm also quite clueless about the future, what direction should I go, what career steps should I take etc?
The first steps we have been taken over the last week or so, where quite a lot of important decisions ahead of us, including the beautiful but almost 100 year old house we purchased and Remmy's surgery dates in July and August, also in August I am already preparing the climb to the Mountain of the Holy Cross, which will be a spiritual journey I'll take at 14009 Feet that is 4270 m for the non Americans reading this.

First of, I should not have started the subject with "the show must go on" although sometimes it feels like that I live like Jim Carey in the Truman show......it's like everything I've gone through since July has been a TV set.....but maybe it's more like "Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind" also a Jim Carey Movie but one of his more serious roles. If you haven't seen that movie, it's worth it, it's a good thinker.
The title or subject line should actually say "and Life just goes on!"

2 Corinthians 4-16:18
Explains it's easy to loose heart and quit, many of us have faced problems in our relationships, work and other places in our lives that have caused us to think to give up.
Rather then quitting when persecution wore him down , Paul himself concentrated on the inner strength that came from the Holy spirit.


Don't let fatigue, pain or criticism force you of the job, instead renew your commitment to serving Christ. Don't forsake your eternal reward because of the intensity of today's pain, your very weakness allows the resurrection power of Christ to strengthen you moment by moment.
Our troubles should not diminish our faith or disillusion us. We should realize there is a greater purpose in our sufferings (which to be honest I still struggle with and do not understand all the time), they keep us beyond this brief life on earth, they give us the opportunity to prove our faith to others.
They give God open doorways to His plan, to be of help to others dealing with the same sort of pain and /or issues.

The ultimate hope when we experience pain is the realization that this life is not all there is, there is life after Death! Knowing that, we will live forever with the Creator our God without any more pain and suffering, this knowledge can help us to live above the pain that we face in this earthly life.

There are in life some tragedies too big for a heart to hold, and they defy any description that makes any sense. Loosing my house, belongings and most painful my two sons Zephy and Noah don't make any sense to me. I'm extremely grateful that this heart is shared with so many people in our community, my family and even people that I've never met before and heard about our story.
I'm above all grateful for God, giving me the strength to go on........and to keep looking further into our future.

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                                                            The Real Nacho Libre!!